My twin sons turned 9 a few weeks ago. Both of my son’s are autistic. They are on the spectrum. Naszir is the oldest by an hour and 15 minutes. Rayquan is the youngest. My son’s were diagnosed with autism in 2010, when they were 3 years old. It has been a challenge but a great reward. Below is a link to our video page on youtube.com. If you are a parent of a child on the spectrum, we all have those “woe is me days” We tough it out. Resources for a lot of us are scarce. We are a community which will never be lifted into the status quo. Marriages and relationships dissolve, anger ensues, under qualified teachers, under budgeted school districts etc. These are things we as parents must think about when we find out about outhchild being on the spectrum. Their safety. if someone is abusing them physical, emotionally and yes even sexually. What worked for me is I honestly had to kill a part of myself and build another. I had to kill the notion of the boys liking the same things I liked. I had to rip away that they might not ever slam dunk a basketball like their dad. I had to resurrect my childhood and embrace theirs as they grow. You see it is not about you as a parent once your child is on the spectrum. It is about them. It’s their world. And if you’re a selfish individual you will not make it in their world. Give up your weekends, events with friends, possible pets, relationships, and other things that you have planned for your whole life prior to having children. It sounds harsh but it is true. Keep in mind these are just generalities and every kid on the spectrum is different. What works for me might not work for you.
I am trying my hardest to teach my boys about my African culture. However I have to realize a beautiful thing. There is no race, religion, gender, political affiliation, in their world. If we want to know about acceptance, you can watch our videos below. If anyone wants to talk about these issues, I will always respond. Enjoy
First, let me offer a big thank you for having the courage to share something so personal in your life. Many of us will never know how deep your challenges raising two autistic sons are. These videos go so far beyond words, they make your and your son’s situation real to the world.
I’m equally impressed with your teaching your son the continents of the Motherland. You’re right, there are far too many of us in this country who don’t know the individual country names let alone that Africa is a continent comprised of many individual countries with their own languages and cultures.
Lastly, I wanted to mention R&B singer Toni Braxton. She’s been in the news because she too has an autistic son, diagnosed at three, whom she now says is cured. I don’t know if there’s any data in that story which could be insightful to you, but there may be- you never know?
Watching these videos, it’s obvious to my eyes you love your sons and I can think of no better way to strengthen them, even when you can’t see it happening. Big blessings to you for remaining in ‘their world’, helping them to navigate, brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you one hundred.
Thank you for reading and taking the time out of your day to watch the videos. Yes it is a challenge. The sacrifices that I have to make at a young age is unbelievable (lmao and I’m only 33) Yes Toni Braxtons son and Jenny McCarthys son were both diagnosed at a young age. However, we have to remember that they are celebrities and that they are privy to almost an infinite amount of support, help, resources, doctors, therapist within the autistic communities. some parents feels like it’s b******* to have an autistic diagnosis reversed. Reversal of an autistic diagnosis is a beautiful thing but the cost of all the top ABA therapists, aides, helpers are very pricey. The government will not recognize Autism as a disease and provide very little funding for the community. There is a rare form of cancer which 1 out of 1000 kids in THE US are born with. The government gives that specific cancer $400 million dollars for research. 1 out of 110 baby girls in the US IS born with autism and 1 out of 88 baby boys are born with autism and the government only gives about $10 million a year for support.
I didn’t know the government’s support for autism was so low! Makes me wonder what’s behind that? Yes, you make a strong point, Toni Braxton and Jenny McCarthy are celebrities, with the kind of bank that allows for treatments most could never afford. I wonder will we ever see this kind of thing reversed in our lifetime? I for one pray so.
Some conspiracy Theorists suggest that they are the ones responsible for autism. The MMR shot has been a hot topic for the past decades. Other 1st world countries has a lower rate of diseases and autism. Is it our food? Our air? Is the FDA and the USDA doing their job? So many questions
I’m one to suspect food sources first, water second. One of the things I’ve come to believe about food is it, and I mean clean, organic, raw foods, have the ability to heal a host of issues. Once chemicals got added to the mix to keep foods on the sales floor longer and more dollars in the pockets of the folks introducing the concepts, we started seeing more food based illnesses. I can point to a list of health-related changes just introducing juicing raw, organic juices made for me. Definitely one to consider as it has potential to be a win-win all around in most cases.
I 100% agree. As consumers there are so many things that are unknown to us. Look how many recalls there are nowadays. I bought some of those red velvet flavored chips ahoys last week, and they tasted manufactured. Just nasty. Imagine a cookie tasting terrible. Half of the ingredients in processed foods I didn’t even know about or what they do. When I worked as a plumber, we learned that the potable water that comes from the hetch hetchy reservoir is some of the best tasting water. However water companies have to add chlorine in the water. Coloring kills any bacteria such as algae. Once water sits for a long time that’s when fungi and mold appears. I forget the formula but for every X amount of gallons of potable water, there is Y amount of chlorine or fluoride added to it
I know it use to be the population would never put up with what we put up with on these issues. The government knows the people will take it to the streets in numbers they just can’t ignore. Those chips you mentioned- I had a similar experience with a plantain chip I buy on the regular. Scary thing is we may never know the full truth about processed foods or about water sources because as a population we just don’t come together enough and with enough fire and conviction. Officials know this and realize they have the upper hand 99% of the time. Sad, but true.
Yes 100% agree again. In all honesty it’s mob mentality. We as the general populous search for a leader (celebrity, athlete, reality star) to educate and lead us. It’s sad. If Jay-Z was to mention something about processed foods, the whole country would stop. Look at what happen to LeBron James. He was endorsed by mcdonalds and in an interview 2 years ago he said how bad and disgusting it is for you. When the reporter reminded him that mcdonalds is one of his sponsors, he reiterated his stance.
LOL! Didn’t know that about LeBron!!! Yes, lots of us couldn’t live without our daily fix of ‘celebrity culture’. I got the feeling though just like the first ‘dot-com’ boom, this too shall bust!
It’s funny because yourself and another educated black man from the city told me the same thing. Black people are designed to struggle and adapt to the hardships unfortunately, then persevere through it. We are seeing it here in the city. I just don’t see black people surviving this. When you have all these start ups and fortune 500 companies here with a 2%-7% hiring of Blacks, it is really setting us up for failure. New buildings has 10% of their units for low income doesn’t help at all either. Google, facebook, Apple playing monopoly down in Silicon Valley by buying every building is really a bad sign (shhhhhh I’m a bus driver for facebook) lol but I just don’t see this bubble popping anytime soon. When I was younger I actually could see it.
I use to feel the same way about the direction San Francisco is taking until I ran across the YouTube channel of an amazing black finance wizard by the name of Boyce Watkins.
Between him, Tarik Nasheed, director and producer of the fantastic movies, ‘Hidden Colors’, and Dr. Umar Johnson, I started seeing something else:
Those who have created the dot com culture here did not create it for us, nor should they have. We need to start seeing ourselves as capable of producing not only the same networks, companies, banks, and communities but much more.
Brotherhood, sisterhood, real community, and self-sufficiency are all things that were taken from us when we were bought here in chains. The creators of slave culture knew this was the way to win. It has to be us who decide to restore our own wealth and humanity, here, on these shores we’ve paid for a thousand times over.
Can we?
If we just believe it, no power in the universe can stop what we create…
Yea I love boyce Watkins, even when I disagree with him. I had dreams of home ownership here in the bay area. That dream is slipping away more due to the lack of a middle class. It’s crazy, my cousin and wife just moved to Detroit and bought a nice house for 20k in a small town of inkster Michigan. 86% of the residents are black, with a black mayor, black aldermen, black dentists, doctors etc. I just hate the notion here that all of us blacks are subjected to entry level or service level jobs. Muni, shipyard, dpw, etc (all pay great too.) Kids in schools don’t know what a black person is because their only interaction with a black person, is the custodian or the school bus driver or what they see on TV. I feel like ICE Cube in barbershop 3, I got love for the bay but I am really hurt and upset with what we’ve become
Yeah, not everything coming out of B.W.’s mouth is something I agree with either, but I can’t help feeling he’s on the right track. One thing he constantly points to is the need for us to redefine who we are based on our history.
A Muni driver or custodian or entertainer doesn’t begin to approach the unlimited possibilities written in our DNA, but those jobs can provide the seed money to begin the next Microsoft or Google or Apple, created by a person of color. MLK was the one who reminded us that if we were street sweepers, to strive to be the best street sweeper around.
Problem is we have yet to see the importance of true collaboration; of offering support because the bigger picture and what support would mean now to future generations, like your sons, if far more important that our petty differences. Once we’ve developed a real sense of urgency and awaken to the truth we have to be the change we want… Man, I want to see that day!
Thanks so much for sharing your story. Reading this small excerpt of your life as a parent makes the things I allow myself to get annoyed with seem so miniscule. Keep pushing. Continue being a positive, supportive and amazing father to your handsome sons.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Reading this makes me realize how miniscule the things that annoy me are. Continue teaching them about their heritage. Continue being a positive, supportive and amazing father to your handsome sons.
Thank you for sharing more about this aspect of your life Tareau.
I have a number of relatives and friends who have had to walk this same path.
Honestly, the outcome for each child seriously depended upon the interventions and care that was given from the age of diagnosis though their teen years.
One of my cousins will likely always depend on his mother for the rest of his life. His mother had limited income and very few resources. That said, he did not receive as much as he might have had the situation been different.
My son went to school with a young man who had been receiving interventions since he was diagnosed; he lived in a larger town with more resources and his parents had more money to pursue additional interventions. Believe it or not, if you were to meet this young man today you would not know that he was on the spectrum. He leads a very independent lifestyle.
I understand that Autism is spectral, but as children, both of these young men were very similar in degree.
Anyway, sorry to take up so much space but I just wanted to say that your sons are beautiful and they are lucky to have you for a father.
Agree 100% you also have to factor in the stubbornness and the parents some parents do not wish to acknowledge this ailment or disease you also have to factor in if you lack of education training and funding when it comes to autism great example there is a rare form of cancer where one out of every 700 babies are born with Autism one out of every a hundred and ten girls are born with it and one out of every 88 boys are born with it the government provides that rare cancer over a hundred million dollars in research and treatment why autism only receives about annual budget of 10 million celebrities like Jenny McCarthy and also Toni Braxton has successfully reversed their children’s autism but we have to remember they are privy to resources funding reps aides nurses trainers xcetera because of their status and because of their income. Sorry for the bad Grammer I am using the talk to text format
Indeed! One thing is for sure, whoever gets the ear of a congressman gets the duckets!
Crazy shit like spending money on researching the efficacy of treatments for rare illnesses vs something as prevalent as autism is batshit crazy.
Thank you for reading. Means alot. I remember my brother’s ex sister in law once told me “ohhhh those aren’t job interview names.” And I was irritated when she said that because that was my first time meeting her. Some people right? It’s funny as I type this they are about to wake up and first thing we have to do is the Africa puzzle.
Yes I agree. When I was in college, we did a project on the effects of having an ethnic name in the application process. That’s why today I never put that I’m black or that I’m a male. It’s optional so I don’t put it. Hahahaha. I don’t want to be a affirmative action hire. Hire me on my skills not based off of my skin color
I hear you on that. I stopped doing that, too. It will always count against us .
Bro – I am writing a blog right now that I will post pretty soon that I think you will find of interest. It has to do with sports so it is right up your alley!
Lmao – I am from watching the Bills beat the Patriots into oblivion right now and loving every moment of it. Even though I live in New England, I hate the Patriots! lol
Lmao – it is .. there’s a cult for them basically.
I have hated them ever since I was 12 years old – when my father took me to see a Patriots game versus the Panthers. Some white boys in the stands threw popcorn at us because we were black … and we had to leave early because my dad and his boy were so upset that they wanted to fight them. Ever since then, I have hated the Pats. So it is illegal to not like the Pats, and it is illegal to like the Pats and be black apparently lol
Thanx Dave! 
First, let me offer a big thank you for having the courage to share something so personal in your life. Many of us will never know how deep your challenges raising two autistic sons are. These videos go so far beyond words, they make your and your son’s situation real to the world.
I’m equally impressed with your teaching your son the continents of the Motherland. You’re right, there are far too many of us in this country who don’t know the individual country names let alone that Africa is a continent comprised of many individual countries with their own languages and cultures.
Lastly, I wanted to mention R&B singer Toni Braxton. She’s been in the news because she too has an autistic son, diagnosed at three, whom she now says is cured. I don’t know if there’s any data in that story which could be insightful to you, but there may be- you never know?
Watching these videos, it’s obvious to my eyes you love your sons and I can think of no better way to strengthen them, even when you can’t see it happening. Big blessings to you for remaining in ‘their world’, helping them to navigate, brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you one hundred.
K’lee
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for reading and taking the time out of your day to watch the videos. Yes it is a challenge. The sacrifices that I have to make at a young age is unbelievable (lmao and I’m only 33) Yes Toni Braxtons son and Jenny McCarthys son were both diagnosed at a young age. However, we have to remember that they are celebrities and that they are privy to almost an infinite amount of support, help, resources, doctors, therapist within the autistic communities. some parents feels like it’s b******* to have an autistic diagnosis reversed. Reversal of an autistic diagnosis is a beautiful thing but the cost of all the top ABA therapists, aides, helpers are very pricey. The government will not recognize Autism as a disease and provide very little funding for the community. There is a rare form of cancer which 1 out of 1000 kids in THE US are born with. The government gives that specific cancer $400 million dollars for research. 1 out of 110 baby girls in the US IS born with autism and 1 out of 88 baby boys are born with autism and the government only gives about $10 million a year for support.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didn’t know the government’s support for autism was so low! Makes me wonder what’s behind that? Yes, you make a strong point, Toni Braxton and Jenny McCarthy are celebrities, with the kind of bank that allows for treatments most could never afford. I wonder will we ever see this kind of thing reversed in our lifetime? I for one pray so.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Some conspiracy Theorists suggest that they are the ones responsible for autism. The MMR shot has been a hot topic for the past decades. Other 1st world countries has a lower rate of diseases and autism. Is it our food? Our air? Is the FDA and the USDA doing their job? So many questions
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m one to suspect food sources first, water second. One of the things I’ve come to believe about food is it, and I mean clean, organic, raw foods, have the ability to heal a host of issues. Once chemicals got added to the mix to keep foods on the sales floor longer and more dollars in the pockets of the folks introducing the concepts, we started seeing more food based illnesses. I can point to a list of health-related changes just introducing juicing raw, organic juices made for me. Definitely one to consider as it has potential to be a win-win all around in most cases.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I 100% agree. As consumers there are so many things that are unknown to us. Look how many recalls there are nowadays. I bought some of those red velvet flavored chips ahoys last week, and they tasted manufactured. Just nasty. Imagine a cookie tasting terrible. Half of the ingredients in processed foods I didn’t even know about or what they do. When I worked as a plumber, we learned that the potable water that comes from the hetch hetchy reservoir is some of the best tasting water. However water companies have to add chlorine in the water. Coloring kills any bacteria such as algae. Once water sits for a long time that’s when fungi and mold appears. I forget the formula but for every X amount of gallons of potable water, there is Y amount of chlorine or fluoride added to it
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know it use to be the population would never put up with what we put up with on these issues. The government knows the people will take it to the streets in numbers they just can’t ignore. Those chips you mentioned- I had a similar experience with a plantain chip I buy on the regular. Scary thing is we may never know the full truth about processed foods or about water sources because as a population we just don’t come together enough and with enough fire and conviction. Officials know this and realize they have the upper hand 99% of the time. Sad, but true.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes 100% agree again. In all honesty it’s mob mentality. We as the general populous search for a leader (celebrity, athlete, reality star) to educate and lead us. It’s sad. If Jay-Z was to mention something about processed foods, the whole country would stop. Look at what happen to LeBron James. He was endorsed by mcdonalds and in an interview 2 years ago he said how bad and disgusting it is for you. When the reporter reminded him that mcdonalds is one of his sponsors, he reiterated his stance.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! Didn’t know that about LeBron!!! Yes, lots of us couldn’t live without our daily fix of ‘celebrity culture’. I got the feeling though just like the first ‘dot-com’ boom, this too shall bust!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s funny because yourself and another educated black man from the city told me the same thing. Black people are designed to struggle and adapt to the hardships unfortunately, then persevere through it. We are seeing it here in the city. I just don’t see black people surviving this. When you have all these start ups and fortune 500 companies here with a 2%-7% hiring of Blacks, it is really setting us up for failure. New buildings has 10% of their units for low income doesn’t help at all either. Google, facebook, Apple playing monopoly down in Silicon Valley by buying every building is really a bad sign (shhhhhh I’m a bus driver for facebook) lol but I just don’t see this bubble popping anytime soon. When I was younger I actually could see it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I use to feel the same way about the direction San Francisco is taking until I ran across the YouTube channel of an amazing black finance wizard by the name of Boyce Watkins.
Between him, Tarik Nasheed, director and producer of the fantastic movies, ‘Hidden Colors’, and Dr. Umar Johnson, I started seeing something else:
Those who have created the dot com culture here did not create it for us, nor should they have. We need to start seeing ourselves as capable of producing not only the same networks, companies, banks, and communities but much more.
Brotherhood, sisterhood, real community, and self-sufficiency are all things that were taken from us when we were bought here in chains. The creators of slave culture knew this was the way to win. It has to be us who decide to restore our own wealth and humanity, here, on these shores we’ve paid for a thousand times over.
Can we?
If we just believe it, no power in the universe can stop what we create…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yea I love boyce Watkins, even when I disagree with him. I had dreams of home ownership here in the bay area. That dream is slipping away more due to the lack of a middle class. It’s crazy, my cousin and wife just moved to Detroit and bought a nice house for 20k in a small town of inkster Michigan. 86% of the residents are black, with a black mayor, black aldermen, black dentists, doctors etc. I just hate the notion here that all of us blacks are subjected to entry level or service level jobs. Muni, shipyard, dpw, etc (all pay great too.) Kids in schools don’t know what a black person is because their only interaction with a black person, is the custodian or the school bus driver or what they see on TV. I feel like ICE Cube in barbershop 3, I got love for the bay but I am really hurt and upset with what we’ve become
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, not everything coming out of B.W.’s mouth is something I agree with either, but I can’t help feeling he’s on the right track. One thing he constantly points to is the need for us to redefine who we are based on our history.
A Muni driver or custodian or entertainer doesn’t begin to approach the unlimited possibilities written in our DNA, but those jobs can provide the seed money to begin the next Microsoft or Google or Apple, created by a person of color. MLK was the one who reminded us that if we were street sweepers, to strive to be the best street sweeper around.
Problem is we have yet to see the importance of true collaboration; of offering support because the bigger picture and what support would mean now to future generations, like your sons, if far more important that our petty differences. Once we’ve developed a real sense of urgency and awaken to the truth we have to be the change we want… Man, I want to see that day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much for sharing your story. Reading this small excerpt of your life as a parent makes the things I allow myself to get annoyed with seem so miniscule. Keep pushing. Continue being a positive, supportive and amazing father to your handsome sons.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks for sharing your story.
Reading this makes me realize how miniscule the things that annoy me are. Continue teaching them about their heritage. Continue being a positive, supportive and amazing father to your handsome sons.
LikeLiked by 2 people
No thank you for reading I really appreciate the love and support
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry for the duplicate posts lol
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No worries
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Thank you for sharing more about this aspect of your life Tareau.
I have a number of relatives and friends who have had to walk this same path.
Honestly, the outcome for each child seriously depended upon the interventions and care that was given from the age of diagnosis though their teen years.
One of my cousins will likely always depend on his mother for the rest of his life. His mother had limited income and very few resources. That said, he did not receive as much as he might have had the situation been different.
My son went to school with a young man who had been receiving interventions since he was diagnosed; he lived in a larger town with more resources and his parents had more money to pursue additional interventions. Believe it or not, if you were to meet this young man today you would not know that he was on the spectrum. He leads a very independent lifestyle.
I understand that Autism is spectral, but as children, both of these young men were very similar in degree.
Anyway, sorry to take up so much space but I just wanted to say that your sons are beautiful and they are lucky to have you for a father.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Agree 100% you also have to factor in the stubbornness and the parents some parents do not wish to acknowledge this ailment or disease you also have to factor in if you lack of education training and funding when it comes to autism great example there is a rare form of cancer where one out of every 700 babies are born with Autism one out of every a hundred and ten girls are born with it and one out of every 88 boys are born with it the government provides that rare cancer over a hundred million dollars in research and treatment why autism only receives about annual budget of 10 million celebrities like Jenny McCarthy and also Toni Braxton has successfully reversed their children’s autism but we have to remember they are privy to resources funding reps aides nurses trainers xcetera because of their status and because of their income. Sorry for the bad Grammer I am using the talk to text format
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed! One thing is for sure, whoever gets the ear of a congressman gets the duckets!
Crazy shit like spending money on researching the efficacy of treatments for rare illnesses vs something as prevalent as autism is batshit crazy.
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Wow, my man – thanks for sharing this. You are right, all you can do is tough it out and accept it. Stay strong bro!
I am glad that you are teaching them about Africa! And I really like their names … because I can likely take a guess at the inspiration for them!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for reading. Means alot. I remember my brother’s ex sister in law once told me “ohhhh those aren’t job interview names.” And I was irritated when she said that because that was my first time meeting her. Some people right? It’s funny as I type this they are about to wake up and first thing we have to do is the Africa puzzle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The audacity of some people, smh. Having a job interview name is, of course, having a European name.
Glad yall are doing the Africa puzzle. Very important to know. I have an app on my phone that keeps me sharp on African geography.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes I agree. When I was in college, we did a project on the effects of having an ethnic name in the application process. That’s why today I never put that I’m black or that I’m a male. It’s optional so I don’t put it. Hahahaha. I don’t want to be a affirmative action hire. Hire me on my skills not based off of my skin color
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hear you on that. I stopped doing that, too. It will always count against us .
Bro – I am writing a blog right now that I will post pretty soon that I think you will find of interest. It has to do with sports so it is right up your alley!
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Hahahahhaha ok, you always write great things. I’ll be waiting. Most likely by the time you post it, my 49ers will be losing to the Cowboys. Hahhahaja
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Thanks!
Lmao – I am from watching the Bills beat the Patriots into oblivion right now and loving every moment of it. Even though I live in New England, I hate the Patriots! lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahahahahahahahahaha isn’t illegal to hate the Patriots in New England?
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Lmao – it is .. there’s a cult for them basically.
I have hated them ever since I was 12 years old – when my father took me to see a Patriots game versus the Panthers. Some white boys in the stands threw popcorn at us because we were black … and we had to leave early because my dad and his boy were so upset that they wanted to fight them. Ever since then, I have hated the Pats. So it is illegal to not like the Pats, and it is illegal to like the Pats and be black apparently lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s insane. No one ever talks about that. Hmmmmmm
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That does sound tough, but it looks like you’re handling it 🙂 Look forward to reading more of your blog.
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Thank you Ms. Garland. I appreciate the support
LikeLiked by 1 person